Contents

• 1 Sourced
  • 1.1 Cocaine
  • 1.2 Heroin
  • 1.3 Marijuana
  • 1.4 Methamphetamine
  • 1.5 Tobacco
  • 1.6 Altered state of consciousness
  • 1.7 Drugs and the Law
  • 1.8 Other
• 2 Unsourced
• 3 See also

Sourced

Cocaine

• The Glorious Nosebleed- Juturna
  • Circa Survive
• I'm on a plane, with cocaine. And yes, I'm all lit up again!
  • Buckcherry, "Lit Up", Buckcherry (1999)

• Drivin' that train high on cocaine. Casey Jones you'd better watch your speed.
  • The Grateful Dead, "Casey Jones", Workingman's Dead (1970)

• I'm on the border of Bolivia, working for pennies Treated like a slave, the coca fields have to be ready The spirit of my people is starving, broken, and sweaty Dreaming about revolution looking at my machete But the workload is too heavy to rise up in arms And if I ran away, I know they'd probably murder my moms So I pray to Jesu Cristo when I go to the mission Process the cocaine paste, and play my position
  • Immortal Technique, "Peruvian Cocaine", Revolutionary Vol. 2 (2003)

• Cocaine is one hell of a drug.
  • Rick James

• "All your dreams are made when you're chained to the mirror and a razor blade."
  • Oasis, "Morning Glory", (What's the Story) Morning Glory? (1995)

• If you want to know if somebody is driving under the influence of cocaine, just go up to the driver and ask, "Tell me a little about yourself." Trust me, you will be there for hours.
  • Jeremy Clarkson

• Need I say the C.I.A. be Criminals In Action Cocaine crack unpacking, high surveillance tracking Prominant blacks and whites giving orders for mass slaughters but I want all my daughters to be like Maxine Waters When they flooded the streets with crack cocaine, I was like Noah now they lower cause the whole cold war is over Communism fell to the dollars you were grabbing All the assault and battering in the name of intelligence gathering?
  • KRS-One, "C.I.A. (Criminals In Action)", Lyricist Lounge, Volume One (1998)

• Ayo for Yayo, walk around with yayo, all in my nasal, I must have been crazed yo.
  • Andre Nickatina, "Ayo for Yayo"

• Needlework the way, never you betray life of death becoming clearer Pain monopoly, ritual misery chop your breakfast on a mirror Taste me you will see more is all you need you're dedicated to how I'm killing you
  • Metallica, "Master of Puppets"

• Some they may go for cocaine I'm sure that if, I took even one sniff It would bore me, terrifically, too

• • Cole Porter "I Get a Kick Out of You"

Heroin

• Smack's an honest drug, because it strips away these delusions. Why smack, when ya feel good, ya feel immortal. When ya feel bad, it intensifies the shite that's already there. It's the only really honest drug. It doesnt alter your consciousness. It just gives you a hit and a sense of well-being. After that, ya see the misery of the world as it is, and you cannot anesthetise yourself against it.
  • Irvine Welsh, Written in the book Trainspotting, "Kicking Again: The First Shag in Ages" (Chapter 3, Story 3) (1993)

• I chose not to choose life: I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin?
  • Irvine Welsh, Renton in the film Trainspotting (1996)

• Don’t mess with the needle or a spoon Or any trip to the moon It’ll take you away Lord, their gonna bury you boy Don’t mess with the needle Now I know, I know, I know...
  • Ronnie Van Zant, "The Needle and the Spoon", as performed by Lynyrd Skynyrd

• I've seen the needle and the damage done A little part of it in everyone But every junkie's like a settin' sun.
  • Neil Young, "The Needle and the Damage Done", Harvest (1972)

• I've seen the man use the needle, seen the needle use the man I've seen them crawl from the cradle to the gutter on their hands They fight a war but it's fatal, it's so hard to understand I've seen the man use the needle, seen the needle use the man
  • Megadeth, "Use the Man", Cryptic Writings (1997)

• To some I'm a wise man, to some I'm a fool But I need a lil something to keep my cool I sleep with the sun and I rise with the moon And I feel alright with my needle and spoon.
  • Lyrics to "Needle and Spoon" by Savoy Brown.

Marijuana

• I smoke two joints in the morning I smoke two joints at night I smoke two joints in the afternoon It makes me feel alright I smoke two joints in time of peace And two in time of war I smoke two joints before I smoke two joints And then I smoke two more
  • Sublime, "Smoke Two Joints", 40oz. to Freedom

• When you get a mouthful, That's Hot Lunch When you smoke a cashed bowl down too much You need to refill that with buds Fat-C, I only smoke fresh nugs.
  • Fat-C, "Hot Lunch" from the album 'Fear and Loathing in Minnesota'

• let us burn one from end to end And pass it over to me my friend Burn it long, we'll burn it slow To light me up before i go
  • Ben Harper, "Burn One Down" from Fight for your Mind (1995)

• Excuse me while I light my spliff (spliff) Good God, I gotta take a lift (lift) From reality I just can't drift (drift) That's why I am staying with this riff (riff)
  • Bob Marley, "Easy Skanking" from the album Kaya (1978)
• I don't know. I never smoked AstroTurf.
  • Tug McGraw, when asked if he preferred grass or artificial turf, (1974)
  • Widely repeated and cited, including in several obituaries

• The question arises, therefore, why cannabis is so regularly banned in countries where alcohol is permitted. [...] It may be that we can ban cannabis simply because the people who use it, or would do so, carry little weight in social matters and are relatively easy to control, whereas the alcohol user often carries plenty of weight in social matters and is difficult to control, as the U.S. prohibition era showed. It has yet to be shown, however, that the one is more socially or personally disruptive than the other.
  • H.B.M Murphy, M.D., Department of Psychiatry, McGill University, Montreal. "The Cannabis Habit" (1963). (As quoted in 'Bulletin on Narcotics' by UNDCP)

• Panama Red, Panama Red He'll steal your woman, then he'll rob your head Panama Red, Panama Red On his white horse, Mescalito He come breezin' through town I'll bet your woman's up in bed with Panama Red
  • Peter Rowan, "Panama Red", as performed by Jerry Garcia and Peter Rowan in Old and in the Way in 1973 and thereafter by New Riders of the Purple Sage

• Maybe if all the politicians out there would just take a few minutes to sit back, listen to some Dave Matthews Band, and smoke some pot, maybe the world wouldn't be so fucked up.
  • Dave Matthews 5/15/98

• Straight people don't know, what you're about They put you down and shut you out you gave to me a new belief and soon the world will love you sweet leaf
  • Black Sabbath, "Sweet Leaf", Master of Reality (1971)

• Busted? I'm entrusted, man. I don't steal. I heal. We're not getting stoned. We're getting honed. My probation officer's one of my best customers. I'm a prisoner. I'm a prisoner of, uh, war. War on drugs. It's all so negative, man. I mean, the Man's most positive positive-tive is a nega-tive. It's a mega-nega-tive. Right? Let them be low. We are getting high. We're not getting fucked down. We're getting fucked up.
  • Val Kilmer as The Sherpa in Entourage

• "Dope will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no dope"
  • Freewheeling Franklin (from Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers)

"Rehab is 4 quitters" -Grafiti on side of rehab facility

• "Dope gets you through times with no money better than money gets you through times with no dope"
  • Fat Freddie (from Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers)

• "When i die bury me in smoke" **-Phillip Anselmo - DOWN (first album)

"I smoke a bowl when I'm stressed And then I picture my girl undressed" -Da Molester from a 2010 freestyle

• Addicted by Amy Winehouse

Tell your boyfriend next time he around To buy his own weed and don't wear my shit down I wouldn't care if he would give me some more I'd rather him leave you then leave him my draw When you smoke all my weed man You gotta call the green man So I can get mine and you get yours Once is enough to make me attack So bring me a bag and your man can come back I'll check him at the door make sure he got green I'm tighter than airport security teams When you smoke all my weed man You gotta call the green man So I can get mine and you get yours I'm my own man so when will you learn That you got a man but I got to burn Don't make no difference if I end up alone I'd rather have myself a smoke my homegrown It's got me addicted, does more than any dick did Yeh I can get mine and you get yours Yeh I can get mine and you get yours" - Lyrics from Amy Winehouse's Addicted

Methamphetamine

• After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of the these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations.
  • David Sedaris, Me Talk Pretty One Day (2000)

Tobacco

• I am actually pro-cursing. I think it's good. I think we should teach kids to curse, so they don't use drugs. It doesn't rot your brain. It doesn't get you pregnant. It doesn't kill you, like tobacco.
  • Paul Begala, CNN Crossfire, December 8, 2003

• Tobacco, divine, rare superexcellent tobacco, which goes far beyond all panaceas, potable gold and philosopher's stones, a sovereign remedy to all diseases.
  • Robert Burton, Anatomy of Melancholy (1621)

• Divine in hookas, glorious in a pipe When tipp'd with amber, mellow, rich, and ripe; ... Yet thy true lovers more admire by far Thy naked beauties - give me a cigar!
  • Lord Byron, The Island

• A custom loathsome to the eye, hateful to the nose, harmful to the brain, dangerous to the lungs, and in the black, stinking fume thereof nearest resembling the horrible Stygian smoke of the pit that is bottomless.
  • James I of England, A Counterblaste to Tobacco (1604)

• And a woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.
  • Rudyard Kipling, The Betrothed

• A good cigar is like a beautiful chick with a great body who also knows the American League box scores.
  • M*A*S*H, (spoken by Klinger), "Bug-Out" (1976)

• They threaten me with lung cancer, and still I smoke and smoke. If they'd only threaten me with hard work, I might stop.
  • Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook (1966)

• Good food, good sex, good digestion, good sleep: to these basic animal pleasures, man has added nothing but the good cigarette.
  • Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook (1966)

• A cigarette is the perfect type of a perfect pleasure. It is exquisite, and it leaves one unsatisfied. What more can one want?
  • Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray (1891)

• Hey, don't blame me for smoking, blame the corporations for making cancer taste good
  • Rae Xanos

• I am of course notoriously hooked on cigarettes. I keep hoping the things will kill me. A fire at one end and a fool at the other.
  • Kurt Vonnegut, Cold Turkey

Altered state of consciousness

• Life is a waste of time, and some say time is a waste of life, but if you get wasted all the time, then you might just have the time of your life
  • Drapht, "Boom Boom Boom", 'Brothers Grimm' (2008)

• Lets go home and get stoned We could end up makin love instead of misery Go home and get stoned Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me
  • Hinder, "Get Stoned", 'Extreme Behavior' (2005)

• If you need drugs to be a good writer, you're not a good writer.
  • Rod Serling

• I've come to decide, that the things that I tried, were in my life just to get high on.
  • Red Hot Chili Peppers, "Snow (Hey Oh), 'Stadium Arcadium' (2006)

• It's such a waste to be wasted in the first place
  • Red Hot Chili Peppers, "This Velvet Glove, 'Californication' (1999)

• Ashes to ashes, funk to funky We know Major Tom's a junkie Strung out in heaven's high Hitting an all-time low
  • David Bowie, "Ashes to Ashes" from Scary Monsters (1980)

• Well, they'll stone ya when you're trying to be so good, They'll stone ya just a-like they said they would. They'll stone ya when you're tryin' to go home. Then they'll stone ya when you're there all alone. But I would not feel so all alone, Everybody must get stoned.
  • Bob Dylan, "Rainy Day Women #12 & #35," Blonde on Blonde (1966)

• Purple Haze, all in my brain, lately things just don't seem the same, actin' funny, but I don't know why, 'scuse me while I kiss the sky.
  • Jimi Hendrix, "Purple Haze" from Are You Experienced (1967)

• Ride, ride my see-saw. Take my place On this trip Just for me Ride, take a free ride Take my place Have my seat It's for free
  • The Moody Blues, "Ride My See-Saw", In Search of the Lost Chord, (John Lodge) (1968)

• And you can fly High as a kite if you want to Faster than light if you want to Speeding through the universe Thinking is the best way to travel
  • The Moody Blues, "The Best Way to Travel", In Search of the Lost Chord, (Mike Pinder) (1968)

• LSD reveals the whatness of things, their quiddity, their essence. The wateriness of water is suddenly revealed to you, the carpetness of carpets, the woodness of wood, the yellowness of yellow, the fingernailness of fingernails, the allness of all, the nothingness of all, the allness of nothing. For me music gives access to every one of these essences of existence, but at a fraction of the social or financial cost of a drug and without the need to cry 'Wow!' all the time, which is one of LSD's most distressing and least endearing side-effects.
  • Stephen Fry

Drugs and the Law

• Now it's one thing to say (I say it) that people shouldn't consume psychoactive drugs. It is entirely something else to condone marijuana laws the application of which resulted, in 1995, in the arrest of 588,963 Americans. Why are we so afraid to inform ourselves on the question?
  • William F. Buckley, "Book Review: Marijuana Myths/Marijuana Facts", National Review, Dec. 8, 1997.

• Since you [US "drug czar" McCaffrey] control a federal budget that has just been increased from $17.8 billion last year to $19.2 billion this year, is asking people like you if we should continue with our nation's current drug policy like a person asking a barber if one needs a haircut?
  • Judge James P. Gray, Orange County California, LA Times, March 29, 2000

• Congress should definitely consider decriminalizing possession of marijuana... We should concentrate on prosecuting the rapists and burglars who are a menace to society.
  • Dan Quayle, U.S. Representative and Vice President under President Bush, 1977
  • Source: Dan Baum, Smoke and Mirrors: The War on Drugs and the Politics of Failure (1996)

• The drug war has nothing to do with making communities livable or creating a decent future for black kids. On the contrary, prohibition is directly responsible for the power of crack dealers to terrorize whole neighborhoods. And every cent spent on the cops, investigators, bureaucrats, courts, jails, weapons, and tests required to feed the drug-war machine is a cent not spent on reversing the social policies that have destroyed the cities, nourished racism, and laid the groundwork for crack culture.
  • Ellen Willis, "Hell No, I Won't Go: End the War on Drugs", The Village Voice (September 19, 1989)

• The centerpiece of the cultural counterrevolution is the snowballing campaign for a "drug-free workplace" — a euphemism for "drug-free workforce," since urine testing also picks up for off-duty indulgence. The purpose of this '80s version of the loyalty oath is less to deter drug use than to make people undergo a humiliating ritual of subordination: "When I say pee, you pee." The idea is to reinforce the principle that one must forfeit one's dignity and privacy to earn a living, and bring back the good old days when employers had the unquestioned right to demand that their workers' appearance and behavior, on or off the job, meet management's standards.
  • Ellen Willis, "Hell No, I Won't Go: End the War on Drugs," The Village Voice (September 19, 1989)

• Even if drugs are fully as destructive as they are usually claimed to be, it is morally wrong — and demonstrably more destructive — for government to deprive people of their unalienable, individual, civil, Constitutional, and human right to make an utter mess of their own lives. Since human beings are inclined to learn more from the mistakes they make, rather than from their triumphs, the right to fail, for individuals and groups alike, may be even more important than the right to succeed, and it must be fiercely protected at almost any cost.
  • L. Neil Smith, "Some Random Thoughts About the War On Drugs," The Libertarian Enterprise (June 13, 2010)

• Importantly, there is nothing in the Constitution — by which, under Article 6, Section 2, officials at every level of government are obligated to abide — that authorizes the banning of any substance or enforcing that ban with the threat of injury, incarceration, or death. The lawful powers of the federal government are enumerated in Article 1, Section 8, and they do not include forbidding drugs or any other substance. Politicians early in the 20th century understood this, and passed a Constitutional amendment allowing them to outlaw alcohol. No such amendment has ever been passed, or even proposed, with regard to drugs.
  • L. Neil Smith, "Some Random Thoughts About the War On Drugs," The Libertarian Enterprise (June 13,2010)

Other

• My head hurts, this shit isn't getting me high My chest is so tight, am I going to die? My stomachs in knots, as the room starts to spin As I wait for this Valium to slowly kick in.
  • Staind, "Pressure", 'Break The Cycle' (2001)

• I like the FedEx driver, because he's drug dealer and he don't even know it. And he's always on time!
  • Mitch Hedberg, Track 10: "Sesame Seeds," Mitch All Together (2003)

• Hiya kids. Here is an important message from your Uncle Bill. Don't buy drugs. Become a pop star, and they give you them for free!
  • Love Actually (as spoken by rock singer Billy Mack) (2003)

• The idea that the creative endeavor and mind-altering substances are entwined is one of the great pop-intellectual myths of our time ... Substance abusing writers are just substance abusers -- common garden variety drunks and druggies, in other words. Any claims that the drugs and alcohol are necessary to dull a finer sensibility are just the usual self-serving bullshit. I've heard alcoholic snowplow drivers make the same claim, that they drink to still the demons.
  • Stephen King, On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft (2001)

• O God, that men should put an enemy in their mouths to steal away their brains! that we should, with joy, pleasance, revel, and applause, transform ourselves into beasts!
  • William Shakespeare, Othello

• A drug is not bad. A drug is a chemical compound. The problem comes in when people who take drugs treat them like a license to behave like an asshole.
  • Frank Zappa, Senate hearing on Porn Rock and the PMRC (1985)

• "There is a war on drugs, but I surrendered."
  • Marilyn Manson

• "Drugs kill, I'm acknowledging that, But when I'm on the drugs I don't have a problem with that"
  • Lil' Wayne

• Junk (morphine) is the mold of monopoly and possession. (..) Junk is quantative and accurately measurable. The more junk you use the less you have and the more you have the more you use. All the hallucinogen drugs are considered sacred by those who use them (...) but no one ever suggested that junk is sacred. There are no opium cults. Junk is profane and quantitative like money. Junk is is the ideal product... the ultimate merchandise. No sales talk necessary. The client will crawl through a sewer and beg to buy... The junk merchant does not sell the product to the consumer, he sells the consumer to the product. He does not improve and simplify his merchandise. He degrades and simplifies the client.
  • William S. Burroughs, "Naked Lunch" (1962)

• MDMA got you feeling like a champion,

The city never sleeps better slip you a Ambien

• • Jay-Z, "Empire State of Mind"

Unsourced

• Who lives longer? the man who takes heroin for two years and dies, or a man who lives on roast beef, water and potatoes 'till 95? One passes his 24 months in eternity. All the years of the beefeater are lived only in time.
  • Aldous Huxley(1954)

• "A lot of good has come from drugs. I think 'Penny Lane' is worth 10 dead kids. Dark Side of the Moon is worth 100 dead kids. Because a lot of kids wouldn't even be born if it weren't for that album, so it evens out." -Bill Maher

• "A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her." -W.C. Fields

• "Acid is not for every brain... Only the healthy, happy, wholesome, handsome, hopeful, humorous, high-velocity should seek these experiences. This elitism is totally self-determined. Unless you are self-confident, self-directed, self-selected, please abstain." -Timothy Leary

• "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." -Ernest Hemingway

• Annual drug deaths: tobacco: 395,000, alcohol: 125,000; 'legal drugs': 38,000, illegal drug overdoses: 5,200, marijuana, 0. Considering government subsidies of tobacco, just what is our government protecting us from in the drug war? -William A. Turnbow

• "Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power." -P.J. O'Rourke

• "Avoid all needle drugs - the only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon." -Abbie Hoffman

• "Bacchus has drowned more men than Neptune." -Giuseppe Garibaldi

• "Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss." -Robert Heinlein

• "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -Benjamin Franklin

• "To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems." -Homer Simpson

• "Brandy, n. A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified Satan." -Ambrose Bierce

• "Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector. It encourages a man to be expansive, even reckless, while lie detectors are only a challenge to tell lies successfully." -Graham Greene

• "Cocaine is really evil coffee." -Courtney Love

• "Cocaine addiction is God's way of saying you make too much money." -Robin Williams

• "Did you know America ranks the lowest in education but the highest in drug use? It's nice to be number one, but we can fix that. All we need to do is start the war on education. If it's anywhere near as successful as our war on drugs, in no time we'll all be hooked on phonics." -Leighann Lord

• "Don't do drugs because if you do drugs you'll go to prison, and drugs are really expensive in prison." -John Hardwick

• "Drugs are a bet with the mind." -Jim Morrison

• "Drugs are bad. You shouldn't do drugs. If you do them, you're bad, because drugs are bad. It's a bad thing to do drugs, so don't be bad by doing drugs, m'kay, that'd be bad." -Mr. Mackey (Southpark)

• "Reality is a crutch for those who can't handle drugs" -Lily Tomlin

• "Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass." -Bob Hope

• "Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system." -P.J. O'Rourke

• "Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness." -Seneca the Elder

• "Everybody should believe in something; I believe I'll have another drink." -W.C. Fields

• "Everyone who drinks is not a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets." -From the movie Arthur

• "Everything is a drug; it depends on the dose." -Paracelsus

• "First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you." -F. Scott Fitzgerald

• "For the first time in history, sex is more dangerous than the cigarette afterward." -Jay Leno

• "Freebase? What's free about it?" - Richard Pryor

• "Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down." -Phyllis Diller

• "Herb like fruit. Keep you healthy, mind clear." -Bob Marley

• "Homegrown is a good thing, plant that bell and let it ring." -Neil Young

• " Drug is a fun thing." -James Francesco

• "How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?" -Homer Simpson

• "I asked someone why he did cocaine. He said 'because it intensifies your personality.' I said 'Yeah, but what if you're an asshole?'" - Bill Cosby

• "I didn't go looking for LSD, it came looking for me; it decided to ring my doorbell, to make its presence known... the world needs it now more than ever." -Dr. Albert Hofmann January 15, 2006, age 100

• "I do not take drugs. I am drugs." --Salvador Dalí

Source Salvador Dalí quotations

• I don't like the drugs but the drugs like me. - Marilyn Manson

• "I drink only to make my friends seem interesting." -Don Marquis

• "I envy people who drink - at least they know what to blame everything on." -Oscar Levant

• "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. Imagine waking up in the morning and knowing that's as good as they're going to feel all day." -Dean Martin

• "I have never abused drugs. I take really good care of them." - BTOZ

• "I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me." -Winston Churchill

• "I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me." -Hunter S. Thompson

• "I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. I haven't had time for tobacco since." -Arturo Toscanini

• "I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy." -W.C. Fields

• "I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk." -John Marcellus Huston

• "I said no to drugs, but they didn't listen to me." --Marilyn Manson

• "I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it." -Raymond Chandler

• "I thought I couldn't afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up cigarettes. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: 'Oh well,' and I went back to smoking again, and that was better." -Benny Hill

• "I used to do drugs, but don't tell anyone or it will ruin my image." - Courtney Love

• "I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too." Mitch Hedberg

• "I used to have a drug problem but now I make enough money." -David Lee Roth

• "I used to smoke two packs a day and I just hate being a nonsmoker.... but I will never consider myself a nonsmoker because I always find smokers the most interesting people at the table." -Michelle Pfeiffer

• "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy." -Tom Waits

• "I'm going to be around until the Atomic Energy Commission finds a safe place to bury my liver." -Phil Harris

• "I'm in favor of it as long as it's multiple choice." Kurt Rambis, on drug testing

• "I'm not addicted to cocaine...I just like the way it smells" - Richard Pryor

• "If a man wishes to rid himself of a feeling of unbearable oppression, he may have to take to Hashish." -Friedrich Nietzsche

• "If God dropped acid, would he see people?" -Steven Wright

• "If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." -Douglas Adams

• "If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult." -P.J. O'Rourke

• "If you don't believe drugs have done good things for us, then go home and burn all your records, all your tapes, and all your CDs because every one of those artists who have made brilliant music and enhanced your lives? RrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrEAL fucking high on drugs. The Beatles were so fucking high, they let Ringo sing a few songs." --Bill Hicks

• "If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt." -Dean Martin

• "If you know someone who tries to drown their sorrows, you might tell them sorrows know how to swim." -Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

• "If you've ever bought drugs before, you understand that for some bizarre reason you have to feign this relationship with your dealer. It's like you're not really going to him to buy drugs. You're going for a social visit. Drugs are the surprise that just happens when you get there. 'Oh Hash? I didn't know!' And he's talkin' to you and you're tryin' to be interested, you know, 'oh yeah? No really ... I love Foghat. No, seriously ..." And inside you're like, 'Just fuckin' give it! I hate you. Your house smells like cat pee!' Why do all drug dealers' houses smell like cat pee?" - Margaret Cho

• "It has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain when awake." -Mark Twain

• "It is difficult to live without opium after having known it because it is difficult, after knowing opium, to take earth seriously. And unless one is a saint, it is difficult to live without taking earth seriously." -Jean Cocteau

• "It's not a war on drugs, it's a war on personal freedom. Keep that in mind at all times." - Bill Hicks

• "It should not be an act of social disobedience to light a cigarette. Unless you're actually a doctor working at an incubator." – Dylan Moran

• "Let me be clear about this. I don't have a drug problem. I have a police problem." - Keith Richards

• "Marijuana is taken by '.....musicians. And I'm not speaking about good musicians, but the jazz type...' ~ Harry J. Anslinger, Federal Bureau of Narcotics, 1948

• "My advice to people today is as follows: if you take the game of life seriously, if you take your nervous system seriously, if you take your sense organs seriously, if you take the energy process seriously, you must turn on, tune in, and drop out." - Timothy Leary

• "My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle." - Henny Youngman

• "My peers, lately, have found companionship through means of intoxication--it makes them sociable. I, however, cannot force myself to use drugs to cheat on my loneliness--it is all that I have--and when the drugs and alcohol dissipate, will be all that my peers have as well. -Franz Kafka

• "No animal ever invented anything so bad as drunkenness - or so good as drink." -Lord Chesterton

• "No poems can please for long or live that are written by water-drinkers." -Horace (Quintus Horatius Flaccus), Satires

• "Now the only thing I miss about sex is the cigarette afterward. Next to the first one in the morning, it's the best one of all. It tasted so good that even if I had been frigid I would have pretended otherwise just to be able to smoke it." - Florence King

• "Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water." -W.C. Fields

• "One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough." -James Thurber

• "One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time." -Lady Astor

• "Pharmaceutical companies will soon rule the world if we keep letting them believe we are a happy, functional society so long as all the women are on Prozac, all children on Ritalin, and all men on Viagra." -Terri Guillemets

• "Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs." -Robin Williams

• "Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast." -Woody Allen

• "Say no to drugs. But be polite, say: 'No, thanks'" --Rita Lee

• "Seven beers followed by two Scotches and a thimble of marijuana and it's funny how sleep comes all on its own." -David Sedaris

• "The believing we do something when we do nothing is the first illusion of tobacco." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

• "The cigarette is a portable therapist." -Terri Guillemets

• "The more people smoke herb, the more Babylon fall" (Bob Marley)

• "The public health authorities never mention the main reason many Americans have for smoking heavily, which is that smoking is a fairly sure, fairly honorable form of suicide." -Kurt Vonnegut

• "The smell of opium is the least stupid smell in the world." - Pablo Picasso

• "The war on drugs is a monopoly benefitting corrupt government and encouraging organized crime... these days they're both the same though." - Jack Byron Gordon III

• "There are three side effects of acid. Enhanced long term memory, decreased short term memory, and I forget the third." -Timothy Leary

• "There is a war on drugs, and the people who are ON drugs are winning." --Bill Hicks (comedian)

• "There is nothing more helpless and irresponsible than a man in the depths of an ether binge." -Hunter S. Thompson

• "There's something luxurious about having a girl light your cigarette. In fact, I got married once on account of that." -Harold Robbins

• "This is one of the disadvantages of wine: it makes a man mistake words for thought." -Samuel Johnson

• "This is the main advantage of ether: it makes you behave like the village drunkard in some early Irish novel...total lack of all basic motor skills: blurred vision, no balance, numb tongue--severance of all connection between the body and the brain. Which is interesting because you can actually watch yourself behaving in this terrible way, but you can't control it." -Hunter S. Thompson

• "Tobacco and alcohol, delicious fathers of abiding friendships and fertile reveries." -Luis Buñuel

• "Turn On, Tune In, Drop Out" --Timothy Leary

• "We borrowed golf from Scotland as we borrowed whiskey. Not because it is Scottish, but because it is good." -Horace Hutchinson

• We (moi), as a group, do not recommend... verily, we repudiate any animal/mineral/vegetable/synthetic substance, vehicle and/or procedure which might tend to reduce the body, mind or spirit of any individual (any true individual) to a state of sub-awareness or insensitivity...that is to say we are here to turn you loose not turn you on -Frank Zappa

• "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." -Henny Youngman

• "Whiskey -- I like it, I always did, and that is the reason I never use it. " --Robert E. Lee
  • Source Quotations of Robert E. Lee

• "Why don't you slip out of those wet clothes and into a dry Martini?" -Robert Benchley

• "Why drink and drive when you can get high and fly?" -Unknown

• "Wine is fine, but whiskey's quicker...suicide is slow with liquor." -Ozzy Osbourne

• "Wine gives a man nothing... it only puts in motion what had been locked up in frost." -Samuel Johnson

• "Wine gives courage and makes men more apt for passion." -Ovid

• "Wine is bottled poetry." -Robert Louis Stevenson

• "Wine is sunlight, held together by water." -Galileo

• "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." -Dave Barry

• "Woah! I don't need drugs to enjoy this. Just to enhance it!" -Otto: The Simpsons

• "You can turn back on a person, but you can never turn your back on a drug, especially when it's waving a razor sharp hunting knife in your eye." -Hunter S. Thompson

• "Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you." -Bill Hicks (comedian)

• “Only in Haiti do the dead come back as Zombies, over here they're called drug addicts.” -Swami Raj

• Rae: So... um, what's heroin like? Irving: Its better than sex! 'Til ya start throwing up...
  • –Irving Roman

• "Zen martini: A martini with no vermouth at all. And no gin, either." -P.J. O'Rourke

• "You can achieve the maximum of your mental possibilities without drugs. They just raise the maximum. It is like a graph of sin(x) and 2sin(x). The problem is that higher maximum point requires lower minimum to exist." -Lucas Karwacki

• "Drugs are like nuclear powered cars. They seem like a good idea until you crash." -Anonymous

• "The thing is, what else are you supposed to give hookers in hotel rooms? 'Yoghurt, anyone? I made some yoghurt the other day, would you like a bit?'" - Dylan Moran (About celebrities caught with cocaine)

• “If you maintain a steady hand on the tiller, you won't feel so bad when the time comes to crash the boat.” -Jason Donovan

• "Dont drink and drive, or else you might hit a curb and spill your beer." -Anonymous

• "If you're not wasted, then the day is." -Anonymous

• "When I said no to drugs, I had my fingers crossed." -Bass

• "Time is never wasted, if you're wasted all the time." -Unknown

See also

• Alcoholic beverages
  • Beer
  • Wine
• Tobacco

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